I Can't Do This Alone
by Sorcha Sadhbh
Summary: When Jill decides that sperm donation as the perfect way to become a mother. She asks Christy to be by her side through the pregnancy. Through the loss of the baby. Through taking in a teenager. Through losing the teenager. This is a story of the journey to motherhood ... and to falling in love with your soulmate.


**Title:** _I Can't Do This Alone_

 **Season: 3 - when Jill decides that using sperm donation as the perfect way to become a mother. She asks Christy to be by her side during the pregnancy.**

 **This takes place right before the episode 'Cornbread and Cashmere Onesie' (3.7)**

 **Prologue**

 **(Jill's POV)**

"I'm your best friend?" She looked into my eyes with shock. Great surprise.

I look deep into her eyes praying that I'm hiding the deep fear from my own eyes. "Yes." I simply reply. I feel Bonnie behind me trying to hold back from whatever wants to come out her mouth. For once I'm grateful that the older woman is truly trying to keep her brain and mouth from spouting out whatever is playing around in that crazy mind of hers.

She just simply silently studies me. It felt like forever. But I knew it was just mere minutes. She slowly smiled and nodded. "Okay." I couldn't stand it anymore. I quickly leaned in and threw my arms tightly around her. Pulling her against me. I felt her arms tighten around my body and being pulled even deeper into her. I allowed myself to relax fully in her arms.

"Thank you." You whisper against her ear. You prevent yourself from gently nuzzling into her neck. To finally allow your lips to meet her skin. Fully knowing that _now_ wasn't the time. But perhaps in the future? Perhaps once she fully realizes what your true feelings for her are ... once she works through that within herself ... then perhaps she'll allow it. You rested your chin on her shoulder as you just accepted the hug from what it actually was ... a friendship hug. You slowly pull away as you felt her pulling away. Your eyes met Bonnie's and you just knew that Bonnie just _knew_. Your eyes widen in fear. But then Bonnie's expression shifted into a uninterested expression. You didn't fully know if you can trust Bonnie to not tell Christy your true feelings ... but it was out of your hands. Literally.

"My doctor was saying that I shouldn't go through this alone." You heard yourself rumble. You needed to get your thoughts back on track. You needed to make this about a good friend helping another good friend. That way you are sure that she'll be by your side. Always.

 **(Christy's POV)**

You listened as Jill rattle on about everything that she was going to do with her baby girl. You held up a hand to interrupt. "How do you know you are going to have a girl? It really could be a boy."

Jill shook her head in a negativity. "Not these days. They just put the sample in a machine ... shake it up and out comes whatever you want. So I'm having a little girl." She smiled with a loving light in her eyes.

You found your mother's eyes behind Jill's head and you shake your head before she could open her mouth and say something incredible stupid. Your eyes met Jill's. "Raising a little boy is a joy also." You thought of Rosco and you loved having a son.

Jill's eyes soften. "Rosco is a fine young man." She nodded. She held up her right hand. "But I want a girl. i know how to raise girls and teach them girl things. I don't know about little boys."

You laughed gently "Jill I'm sure that you would love whatever sex your baby comes out of. Without 'doctoring' it up to have the sex you want." You placed a hand against the side of her warm neck. "You'll make a wonderful mom."

Jill took a shaky breathe. "If I do end up with a boy then you'll help right?" Unsureness crept into her eyes.

"Of course." You replied as you gently run your fingers over the slightly shaking facial muscles.

 **(Bonnie's POV)**

Standing to your feet you made your way into the kitchen. Damn it too bad you didn't drink any longer. The sexual tension in that living room made you want to be drunk off your ass. You grabbed the tea kettle and filled it with water. You'll make tea instead. You tried to keep from laughing loudly. It was so obvious that Jill was in love with Christy.

At first you figured that Jill just wanted to bed your daughter. But now. You fully know Jill was in love with your daughter. You didn't really have a problem with that fact. You placed the kettle on the stove and turned the burner on.

After all for two years of your life you had a lesbian lover. You sighed as you turned to stare into the living room. Where your daughter and Jill were sitting side by side on the couch. Neither one of them were touching the other. But they were sitting side by side comfortable. Tilting your head to the side you ponder on if Christy was made to realize Jill's feelings for her - if Christy realizes that she returns those feelings for the other blonde. You wonder how the relationship would manage to play out.

You yourself wouldn't mind moving into Jill's mansion. Hell if Jill honesty thinks that only Christy and Rosco were moving in with her - then Jill has another thing coming. There is no way she is going to be separated from her daughter. Not when you are still working on your second ... third ... fourth ... oh hell you lost count on the how many chances you were with your daughter. But you weren't planning on blowing this chance. The last chance that you knew your daughter had in her to give you.

"Mom." Christy whispered groaned as she walked towards you.

Your eyes widen and waved your arms at your sides. "Hey you agreed to do this sweetie." You smile big. "I gave you the sign not to."

Christy's eyes widen in disbelief. "What sign?"

Waving your hand and nodding your head. "That sign darling." You grinned huge.

"You don't think this is a very wrong thing for Jill to do." Christy hissed making sure that her voice didn't carry into the next room.

"Honey no matter what you say ... Jill is just going to go through with it." You sighed through your nose. You looked over at the open wall where Jill was sitting on the couch; still looking at that file of the Nazi smiling man with a huge smile on her face. Turning back to your daughter. "She needs this."

Worry was in your daughter's eyes. "She's not in the right place in her life right now to even begin to _think_ of having a child."

"You can't make that decision for her." You replied as you lifted the whistling tea kettle off the stove. "All you can do is be there for her." You poured the water into the cups with the tea bags ready. Lifting your eyes to meet your daughter's. "As you said you would be."

Christy sighed deeply. "I'm no role model for motherhood. But I really don't feel comfortable to bring an innocent child into Jill's life style right now." She looked sideways out towards the room where Jill was placing the folder back into her bag. "Oh hell how can I knowing allow Jill to go solo on this?" She sighed deeply.

You all ready planned on the huge bedroom that you would be claiming as your own at Jill's mansion. It was just a matter of time before you three were going to live the high life for the rest of your life. You couldn't wait.

 **(Christy's POV)**

"Jill ..." You spoke in a hesitant voice as you stepped back into the living room.

Jill's head swung around to face you. Full smile. "Hi." Her hand lifted and a huge cheesy "Jill" smile over came her lips. It was her fake smile.

You sighed. "Jill no please."

Her smile slowly melted off her lips as a look of pain, and confusion entered her eyes. Her eyes lowered to her lap. "I-I'm sor-ry." She husked out.

Making your way to sit down next to her. Putting your right arm around her waist; pulling her into your side. "No need for ..." You hesitated.

"Fakeness." Mom's voice shouted out through the kitchen window opening. You twist your head and glared over at her. "Mom!" You couldn't keep the annoyance from your voice.

Mom shrugged her shoulders with wide eyes. "What isn't that what we are preaching these days?" She placed the spoon of peanut butter into her mouth.

"Don't you dare put that spoon back in the peanut butter." You glared with heat. But knowing that it was a hopeless cause.

You looked away just as she placed the used spoon _back_ into the peanut butter. You felt Jill start to pull away.

Jill stood to her feet. "I need to leave." She quickly gathered her folders.

"Jill." You stood to your feet. "Stay." You reached out to place a hand back on her shoulder.

Jill quickly looked up and backed away. "I have things that I need to do." She quickly made her way to the front door.

"Come on Jill stay." Mom spoke from behind you.

Jill opened the front door. She looked into your eyes. "I'll see you later." She quickly left closing the door behind her.

"Yeah she's so not in the place to have a child." Mom shook her head.

Your eyes stayed at the closed front door. Your heart broke for the woman whom had just left. You vowed to be there for her no matter what.

 **End Prologue**


End file.
